The Real London Fashion Week – Part II: Get the London Look

Contrary to what Kate Moss and the genius marketing team at Rimmel will have you think, the “London Look” is far from catwalk glam, and is really probably something you’d rather SnogMarryAvoid!

 

For a country which has very little sun (trust me, I came with dreams of a European summer and am now paler than ever, with a vitamin D deficiency have seen no more than 8 sunny days in the past 7 months) the Brits are proper obsessed with being tanned...from a bottle! Whilst I’ve succumb to a bit of the ‘ol St Moriz, I don’t get it, we’re on the doorstep to the Mediterranean - how can the sun just completely ignore the UK in it’s entirety?! Obviously, I was never good at geography.

Which brings me to the down side of the fake bake – bad tans! London is flooded y girl who look like they’ve been in a food fight where the only available food was chicken tika!

RT’d from @ScouseBirdProbs (so not technically London) 

I’d heard many rumors of the lacking NHS dental services which have resulted in the Brits having notoriously bad teeth. Lets just get a few things straight, to have “bad teeth” one must have teeth to begin with. I think there is a lack of teeth, rather than those which do exist being bad. 

There’s a little urban myth doing the rounds in the hood about a girl (possibly an associate the writer) who got in a little heated debate with a local boy who may have proclaimed to anyone who would listen that he engaged in intimate relations with this girl. I can assure one that this did not occur.

When this girl publicly denied this, said boy decided to raise the bar (no, not litereally – again, I have it on very good authority that there were no relations!) and adds further his little story by adding that this girl gave him an STI.

One quiet night at the pub, so the story goes, this boy waits till this girl is sitting by herself and proceeds to loudly recount his little story.

This girl gets up and moves away from this uncouth fictional ‘recollection’, however this mouthy little cunt, I mean boy, continues to run his mouth. So I am told.

She goes inside and can still hear him talking shit, so she goes back outside and politely asks him to be quite. He doesn’t listen and she becomes a little emotional, as you would if someone was being so horrible to you, and screams at him. He continues to rabbit on and she eventually pushes him into the glass doors of the pub. She then gracefully departs.

The story goes that as she leaves, he gets up and continues to hurl abuse, but, as he does his FALSE TEETH FALL OUT OF HIS MOUTH AND ON TO THE GROUND!

THAT’S RIGHT! He is 20-odd and has false teeth!

 

My investigations tell me that this is not at all uncommon; a far stretch from the perfect white smile of Kate Moss and her world wide campaign to promote the “London Look”.

Note: I totally tried to phtoshop Kate Moss into a grey tracksuit, with bad teeth – complete with lipstick on her snaggletooth, and a radio active orange glow! But I’m shit at computers, so just visualize it!

xx